Living with cancer means bucket lists scare me - so I have a 'Living List' instead

I don’t like bucket lists, they scare me... to me, they sound like death is imminent and you need to cram in all your hopes and dreams before your time is up.

So I’ve made up my ‘LIVING LIST’ instead; Things I’d like to achieve throughout my (hopefully) long and lucky life.️

Some of my hopes and dreams sound unachievable  and who knows if they’ll ever happen? But the thing is, I WANT them to happen, I want to have hopes and dreams of a wonderful future filled with experiences and thrills and all of the highs I can ever imagine.

I need to hope for a future, instead of being too afraid to look too far ahead (just incase).

Of course, with cancer comes the ability to see life through HD eyes and ultimately, I know that the greatest gifts in all the land, are the little things.

The smell of freshly baked bread or a hot cup of coffee, or the unforgettable aroma of a muddy festival. My babies after a bath when they’re snuggled in my arms.

I know how wonderful it is to sit and really feel how beautiful a sunset is, how precious the wind feels on my skin and the absolute magical sound of my children’s giggles.

The belly laughs I feel with my girls that bring tears to my eyes, the joy in a groovy little dance and the spectacular taste of a pizza that hits your lips after a night of stupendous fun.

The precious hugs from my mum and dad, where even at my age, I can still close my eyes and sink right in and feel so utterly safe and loved more than I could dream.

The kindest eyes of my Michael Brown, the singing while he plays guitar. The kitchen dances and smooches.

️The way that when I’m struck by a moment and I tell him that “this is something I’m going to always remember”, he stops what he’s doing to be in that moment with me too. I LOVE that about him. I could go on and on

I absolutely adore being alive and it’s so much fun to have dreams and goals and I have every intention of ticking off my living list. But in the meantime, it really is the tiny things in life that are the big, wondrous things that fill your heart right up to the brim.️

I would wholeheartedly recommend a living list to everyone on earth. Especially during these hard times - Motivation for me, normally comes in the form of “I need to get skinny for this wedding or for this holiday” etc. now, we have nothing of the sort to look forward to. We’ve actually cancelled and rearranged our wedding three times already. Sigh

But your very own living list will hopefully spur you on to go for all the hopes and dreams you have. I’m pretty sure I’ll be adding more onto the list as I cross a few out.

Being healthy is so important in general, but for someone with my diagnosis, even more so.


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